Psyche in the City – ‘What can we do to enable us to reach our goals?’

‘Ultimately all that really counts when striving to reach our goals is what we choose to believe about ourselves.’ Freya ♥

As we grow up we are often told that if we believe in ourselves enough, we can make any dream come true. Society’s liberating message has been amplified by a recent spate of ‘ordinary’ individuals being catapulted into instant fame and success through participation on TV reality shows. So, if it is really that easy, why do so many of us struggle to create the wonderful lives we feel entitled to?

Many people are negatively affected by personal circumstances at some point in their life – we can feel held back by poverty, education, gender, sexuality, childcare, the economy, illness or disability etc. Yet when you look around there will always be individuals who have somehow managed to overcome these obstacles and achieve their goals. For those of us who still struggle, this begs the question if they can do it then why can’t I?

If we look closely enough, we will often discover that the biggest obstacle to reaching our goals lies within. Internal barriers are far more effective at restricting us than even the most unfortunate circumstances. This is because we are usually completely unaware that the barrier is there, and even when we know about it, we are rarely taught how to overcome them. Circumstances often get all the blame simply because we don’t know how to identify or deal with the inner barriers that hold us back.

Once we decide to face any internal barriers head on, we become empowered to do something about our situation. While we can’t always change the circumstances around us, we usually can change what goes on in our heads. It’s not always easy, but it is definitely possible. Whatever your circumstances may be, if you are feeling stuck it is always worth taking a deeper look.

Goals are meant to stretch us, which is why we feel proud when we achieve what we have set out to do. If there was no challenge involved then it wouldn’t be a goal – you’d simply go out and do it without further ado. In order to meet the challenges that any worthy goal presents, we need a strong inner foundation. When we don’t have that foundation, we are more likely to stumble along the way and if we feel stuck we are much more likely to jump to the conclusion that the goal is out of our reach.

The motivation required to keep us going comes directly from two things – our self worth; (the belief that who we are and what we have to contribute is valuable) and our self confidence; (the belief that we have the skills required and the ability to handle things). Even when other people are raving about how wonderful they think we are, it is still possible to harbour a devastating sense of self doubt. If we are trying to convince ourselves that we ‘just need one more qualification’ or we compare ourselves harshly to some external standard, you can be sure that it is self doubt holding us back.

The belief that we are some how ‘not good enough’ stems from early conditioning. Thankfully, once we have reached adulthood, we have the power to change the script. No matter what people seem to think of us, ultimately all that really counts is what we choose to believe about ourselves. Should we discover we don’t think very much of ourselves or our abilities, then it is up to us to do something about it because no one else can change our mind for us.

Chronic self doubt is a deeply ingrained ‘mental habit’ that can be rectified by consciously changing the messages we feed our minds. Self worth and confidence are both extremely vulnerable to the messages or feelings we habitually indulge in. Our task is to take responsibility for these messages and to commit to replacing negative self talk with positive affirmations. To combat chronic self doubt we need to become conscious of all the negative beliefs that serve to undermine us. Then we can slowly start to replace each one with something that makes us feel good about ourselves.

The main difficulty arises when the habitual thought or feeling is so deeply ingrained that we just can’t accept that it isn’t based on ‘the truth’. The best thing to do in this situation is ask yourself if you want to believe in this negative thought or feeling or would you prefer to believe in something more life affirming? If we can at least accept that there is a possibility that our negativity doesn’t represent ‘the truth’, then we can get on with nurturing our brain with new messages that we do want to believe in.

How we view ourselves is always a choice, though for those who have been wounded in childhood it often doesn’t seem that way. As children we have no way of separating ourselves from external influences, so we take things on board without discrimination. It can take a huge leap of faith to believe that we can learn how to feel better about ourselves. Yet, if we take this leap of faith and keep practicing our new behaviours, one day we will wake up and discover the joys of unshakable self belief.

Freya ♥

If you would like support in transforming the way you view yourself and your capabilities, life coaching can be a very helpful tool. I offer telephone coaching for individuals committed to the journey of self discovery and personal development. Please email to arrange your free consultation and discover how transformational coaching could benefit you:

info@freyaeostre.com

Land-line number available for coaching sessions

Face-to-face coaching also available in Chard, Somerset

Prices: £160 for 4x 1hr sessions