Tarot@Cafe au Lait, Chard

NEW!! Tarot @ Cafe au Lait

Monday 29th March 2010

10am – 3pm

@ Café au Lait, Fore St, Chard, Somerset

£5 off all advanced bookings

Readings are still only £20 for 30mins, £30 for an hour at the Thali!

£10 tasters available on the day.

To book your place please email me: tarotwithfreya@yahoo.co.uk

Website Forum

Good news! My wonderful webmaster Bobbu (www.aplaceinbetween.com) is soon going to be working on creating a forum for freyaeostre.com. You will be able to discuss any of the topics covered on this site and ask me all your burning questions. Once it is ready it will become the official discussion board, but while we are waiting for the forum, please feel free to make any comments or ask any questions on this post or the one designated for my book Manifesting Mr Wonderful below. I will do my best to answer any questions or points you may have.

I look forward to hearing from you soon!

Freya x

‘Psyche in the City’ – How can we build our self esteem?

‘When we feel good about ourselves, it is much easier to love others and allow them to love us.’ Freya ♥

People talk about the importance of high self esteem for creating a happy and fulfilling life. Contrary to popular belief, not everyone who has low self-esteem is unsuccessful, indeed many may even appear to ‘have it all’ yet still feel bad about themselves or their lives. Without self-esteem we can get into a downward spiral and not be able to find a way out. So, what is self esteem and how can we develop it?

Self esteem and self confidence are not the same thing. We may be the most confident person in the world and still suffer from debilitating low self esteem. When we are confident we may feel we have a valuable skill or personality trait and have the ability to project it out into the world. When we have self confidence, we believe that we are good at something or sometimes we simply have an outgoing personality. Self esteem, on the other hand, is how good we feel about ourselves on a deep level.

If we believe we are essentially unlovable, bad or worthless, then we are suffering from low self esteem and this may or may not affect our ability to project ourselves out into the world. There are plenty of people with low self esteem who are driven to try and feel better through gaining success in the world. We may achieve great things in life but success won’t cure the pain of true low self-esteem.

How we feel about ourselves in relationships is a good barometer of how high our self esteem is. It is impossible to have a loving relationship with someone when we do not esteem (or love) ourselves. This is why so many successful celebrities struggle in their relationships despite the fact that they seem to have it all in terms of fame, looks and money. When we feel good about ourselves, it is much easier to love others and to allow them to love us.

Of course someone with high self esteem can lack confidence in their abilities or be socially shy. However, they are more likely to find ways to overcome any personal issues because they feel fundamentally good about who they are. High self esteem creates essential inner resources which people with low self esteem lack. When we know deep down that we are lovable, acceptable and valuable, we instinctively know how to treat ourselves with the love and respect that we deserve. When we have low self esteem, we don’t know how to give ourselves what we really need to flourish.

Self esteem develops in childhood. When we experience unconditional love from our care givers and felt accepted for who we are, then we enter into the adult world with a sense of belonging and self acceptance. However, if life experiences make us feel bad (ashamed, unloved or worthless) then we come to the conclusion that we are bad, and that our intrinsic badness caused the bad things to happen to us. This is because children develop their beliefs about their worth and identity through external mirroring.

Unless a child is taught how to separate painful life experiences from their sense of worth and core identity, they will grow up feeling that they are as bad as their worst experiences made them feel. And when they grow up they will try to find ways to make up for what they feel is wrong with them, often desperately chasing after love, success or some other high. Whatever they feel driven to fill themselves up with, they are simply looking to feel better about themselves and to become whole again. Ultimately nothing ‘out there’ will ever fix this problem – it can only act as a distraction from the pain.

People with low self esteem struggle with negative core beliefs about themselves. These negative beliefs undermine them in two ways. Firstly they approach life from a negative view point because they are looking for evidence that what they believe is true. (We all seek evidence for our core beliefs.) This means that the person with LSE looks for ways to feel bad. They automatically notice all the things that confirm their belief that they are unlovable or worthless. For example, if two people sat in front of them and one said ‘you’re an amazing person’ and the other one said ‘you’re a bad person’, deep down they would believe the person who criticised them, no matter who was more qualified to comment or accurate in their appraisal.

Secondly people with LSE find it challenging to treat themselves with love and respect. This means that they will often make choices that only lead them to feel worse; a woman may continually choose unloving partners and try to make them love her more; a man may choose to avoid the woman he loves because secretly he doesn’t feel good enough; an employee may get into fights with co-workers because of feelings of worthless or a fear being exposed and a parent may become a doormat because they fear disapproval or rejection from their child.

How we feel about ourselves colours all of our perceptions and choices. When we are suffering pain within, we can only create more pain. And when we create more pain this only serves to confirm what we already believe to be true – that we do not deserve to be happy or that something bad inside of us is causing bad things to happen. Low self esteem creates a self perpetuating cycle that is deeply damaging to both ourselves and those we try to relate to. So, what can we do to break the cycle?

Fortunately there are many tools available for helping someone to break the cycle. The first step is to realise that your low self esteem is causing a problem in your life and to decide that you are going to do something about it – whatever it takes. It isn’t an easy thing to heal – it takes time and commitment to break the cycle, but the rewards are immense. If you don’t yet feel worth the effort, then you can try ‘acting as if’ you do. Ask yourself how you think someone with high self esteem would act? If you are unable to do this then, then perhaps you can find a way to do it for the people you love because your pain will be affecting them too.

Once you have decided to take action you have many tools and options available to you. My suggestion is that you choose at least three things to try from the following list and make sure at least one of them involves asking for support – reaching out to other people is an important part of the process of healing.

1. Get a qualified therapist or counselor

2. Join a self help group (Codependents Anonymous is focused on developing self esteem)

3. Get a life coach or ask a friend to become your ‘self esteem buddy’

4. Start a journal and explore your inner feelings

5. Talk to a friend about how you really feel (someone you trust and who treats you with respect)

6. Find a healing spiritual practice (one that helps you let go of shame and guilt)

7. Use positive affirmations on a daily basis (they really do work!)

8. Deal with any active addictions (they will only ever make you feel worse)

9. Keep a daily log of all the nice things that happen to you and/or make you feel good.

10. Connect with your Higher Power every day (to both express gratitude and ask for help)

Please note – if you have a serious addiction, are from suffering clinical depression or anxiety, then please do not hesitate to seek professional help. None of my suggestions are intended as a replacement for appropriate medical attention.

I am currently creating more detailed resources for dealing with low self esteem which will be put on my website in due course. If you feel ready to make changes in your life, I also offer a telephone coaching service. Transformational coaching is an effective method for helping you to build self esteem and supports you in creating the life that you want. For further information please check the relevant page on my website. To contact me, send an email to: info@freyaeostre.com

The aim of my work is to offer guidance and support to those who are embarking on a journey of self discovery and personal transformation.

‘I really appreciated your Psyche in the City article on self esteem and the work you are doing. You have summed things up incredibly well and it really touched me to read it – it is very insightful and so eloquently written.’

Anna

Freya’s Astro Advice

March 2010

ARIES

The Emperor, Fluorite, Openness

You can reach a much stronger position than you have been in for some time. The key to this new position lies not in being dogmatic or fighting your corner, it comes from being open and allowing things to unfold naturally. You worry that you need to be stronger when actually what you really need is that childlike faith you are renowned for. Trust that everything is turning out for the best.

TAURUS

3 Swords, Kunzite, Creativity

Something is creating a predicament for you or causing you some grief. However, your situation is no where near as bad as you think it is. If you have been trying make a stand, then it is time to put the sword down and stop fighting the situation. When you use your creativity to look for a positive solution, you will surely find one. Look for a way to share a little more of who you truly are.

GEMINI

The Tower, Turquoise, Synthesis

Change is in the air. It may feel a little unsettling because it either takes you by surprise or because it is so far reaching. Rest assured, things are coming together, even if you can’t yet see how. If things feel a little shaky or scary, just remind yourself that this part of the process to getting you what you want. To help you on this exciting journey, focus your attention on the bigger picture.

CANCER

4 Swords, Rhodonite, Fire

You have been inspired and know what you want but you are finding it really hard to get motivated. If you are feeling tired or overwhelmed it’s because you believe that you are not being supported in some way. Take some time out to decide exactly what you need and from whom. Once clear, you can confidently approach the right person and ask for what you need in a way that can be heard.

LEO

10 Vesicas, Smoky Quartz, Water

Things are looking good and you should see the fruits of your labour this month. However, there is a bit of an undercurrent which is causing you to be a little cautious. If you start to feel suspicious of anything or anyone, then listen to your intuition. Enjoy all that you have achieved but also keep your environment free of any negative influences or people. Remain detached until you feel sure.

VIRGO

10 Swords, Lepidolite, Choice

The 10 of Swords marks the end of an important road and Lepidolite suggests the need to let go of control: If there was ever a time to surrender – this is it! Having said that, there is still an element of choice in your situation. You can chose to continue to struggle on, or you can chose to step out of your own way and hand things over to the care of some Higher Being. The choice is entirely yours!

LIBRA

9 Staffs, Sugilite, Gestation

You have an idea or secret that you are keeping close to your chest because you are concerned that if you share it, things will go wrong. You know it is best to wait until things are clearer or more developed before you tell someone else about it. However, part of you feels strange about being ‘on your own’ with this. Trust that you are being guided and that the right time to share will be revealed.

SCORPIO

6 Cups, Pietersite, Gentleness

You are feeling excited about new developments in a key relationship. However, you are also feeling wary about letting your guard down. While caution is a sensible approach in a new situation, it is also important to be gentle with yourself and the other person concerned. Give things time to settle into what they are going to be. Gentleness will help you let go of your need to stay in control.

SAGGITARIUS

3 Cups, Moonstone, Reflection

Your feelings really are your friends, just as long as you don’t allow the negative ones to take over your life. Reflective thinking will pay off this month, as it will enable you to get to the bottom of a deep fear or other emotional issue. It is time to completely let go of some old emotions. Once you’ve done this you will see that you have much to celebrate in your life and that it is time to do just that!

CAPRICORN

High Priestess, Sardonyx, Spirit

With the High Priestess on your side, you are blessed with intuitive insight into any situation. You are also assisted by the appearance of Spirit which will guide you in the right direction. It is time let go of the heaviness in your heart; you can move forward with optimism because you have all that you need to help you on your way. Trust that your instincts will protect you and lead you home.

AQUARIUS

Maid of Cups, Jade, Air

Things are calming down and you are feeling more at peace with your life. This means that you are able to create a balance between your emotional and intellectual needs. You can find a way to be fully emotionally involved while also creating the space you need to focus on other things that need your attention. Once you have found your balance, look out for genius ideas or flashes of insight!

PISCES

Ace of Cups, Clear Quartz, Connection

Love is everywhere, you just have to make a choice to look for it. There really is an endless supply of love and it is available to us all. No one human being holds the key to your emotional happiness. Part of your life’s purpose is to find a way to connect to Source and open yourself to receiving love. If you are feeling lost or lonely, reach out to the guardian angel that always walks beside you.